Many people experience a sense of shame based on their preferences, sexuality, or lifestyle. But there are ways to overcome those feelings and once again feel good about yourself. Shame is undoubtedly a problem and may cause you trouble in your life. But like any other problem, there is a solution to it.
What Is Sexual Shame?
Sexual shame, also known as sexual guilt, is a feeling of embarrassment, anxiety, or even sin based on one’s sexual activities. Many people feel guilty due to their sex lives, desires, or practices.
But that doesn’t mean that having sex alone will necessarily cause such feelings. Some people feel bad just by thinking about sex. It is often related to social stigma and what the majority considers to be “normal.”
Sexual shame can have a major impact on one’s mental health. Moreover, feeling this type of emotion can also lead to depression, anxiety, and many other mental illnesses.
While modern society is a lot more open than it used to be, many people still have problems expressing their desires. Sexual education can significantly reduce the impact as well as the risk of sexual guilt, though.
Reasons Behind Sexual Shame
There are almost infinite reasons why someone may feel this way. Firstly, many people are encouraged to try out abstinence. While it might be a good thing, it’s certainly not for everyone. If you enjoy having a rich sex life, you’d undoubtedly feel pressured if someone took away your freedom.
A similar thing applies to premarital sex, where people are taught to keep their virginity like it was the most important thing in the universe. People who enjoy feeling sexy and having their freedom will have a challenging time if their parents (or anyone else) pressure them into chastity.
Moreover, the same thing can apply on a smaller basis. The stigma around sex is still present, and people don’t even feel comfortable talking about it or educating themselves. Sex ed classes are frowned upon, and it seems that many want to return to the Middle Ages.
You are probably aware that churches advocate chastity. People who dare to touch their private parts will burn fiery pits of hell for all eternity! For years, people have been saying that masturbation is something wrong and unnatural. Therefore, everyone felt ashamed for doing something that should be considered normal.
Finally, people can be quite cruel, and body shaming is just one additional thing that can cause frustration. It is not rare for someone to be ashamed of their body and for it to impact their sexual lives. Getting naked in front of someone is a nightmare for many people.
Pressure of Society
One of the typical examples of sex guilt is counting someone’s partners. Yes, people have different kinks, sexual orientations, and appetites. But someone thought it would be a great idea to bully them about it.
You probably heard of kink-shaming or slut-shaming, i.e., judging people by their interests, fetishes, and kinks. Similarly, it is unacceptable to have a lot of partners. Apparently, we must mate with a single person like doves, penguins, lobsters, and other silly animals.
How to Overcome Sexual Shame
Probably the first thing you’ll need to know is to ignore what people say. So what if you have some unusual kink or if you like sex? Everyone loves it. Many people are just dumb enough to claim otherwise. But even if you don’t like it, it is still normal. You don’t need to follow the “rules” that society unrightfully determined. You need to be your own person and do what makes you happy.
Do you love sex? Go for it. Have as many partners as you like. The only important thing is to be safe, take care of your body, and find someone who enjoys the same thing.
The same thing applies to people who are asexual. We all saw movies about people feeling rejected or weird because they haven’t lost their virginity. That is stupid. You need to follow your own rules and do what you think it’s right. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, it is the right thing to do.
Steps You Need to Take
Probably the first thing on your mind should be finding the root of the problem. Once you can understand what part of you makes you feel ashamed, you’ll have a lot easier time overcoming it and becoming a better person.
Whether it’s your religious family, that ex-lover who made you doubt yourself, or anything else, remember that it is just a problem that can be solved.
Once you have understood what is making you ashamed, allow yourself to go through it. It is ok to feel angry, sad, or even victimized. You have every right to do so. If there is a feeling you need to face, do it so that you can start healing.
Enjoy your body. Masturbate if you feel like it. Get to know yourself and your kinks. You will need to heal the sexual relationship with yourself first.
But there is only so much we can do by ourselves. If you feel like starting a relationship, be sure to find someone caring and loving who won’t allow you to go through “shame” by yourself. And always remember to continue being patient, self-compassionate, and caring.
In the end, you will need to understand that sexual desires are normal and that they are a need like any other you might experience. Sexual desire is no different than hunger or breathing, and you need to embrace that part of you.
As long as you are not hurting anyone, there is no reason to feel less worthy. You might have had a difficult time growing up and discovering things about yourself, but it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with being sexual and wanting to enjoy yourself.