The Truth About Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

A cloud of dust follows the question: “When is the right time to lose virginity, and should we wait for the right person?” The decision depends on a lot of factors and varies from person to person. Some studies have shown that teens start having sex at the age of 16 on average. Somewhere, somehow, believe it or not, some people think like this — no sex before marriage.

I do believe that sexual purity nowadays is rare, especially among the young Z generation. On the other hand, you wouldn’t be reading this now if there weren’t any exceptions, right? In some countries, they even have organizations that support sexual abstinence. After all, the entire endeavor is much easier when you have the support of like-minded people.

According to some laic research, some of the reasons people practice sexual abstinence might be related to culture, religion, or some personal beliefs. When it comes to the first two, there isn’t much to say about that: sex is presented as something sinful and dirty. If a person consummates sex before marriage, they will be looked down upon.

When it comes to personal beliefs, they are much harder to explain as they can vary greatly. Nowadays, one of the most widespread ones vouches for all-around acceptance and inclusion of everyone regardless of their sexual preferences or orientation. With that in mind, let’s dive deeper into the story!

It Is Not Always About Religion

For sure, it’s not! Religious laws are indeed strict and hard to abide by, and often even quite vague. And the fact that sex is considered taboo in most religions doesn’t help the situation. Namely, all religions have their own rules when it comes to love and intimate relationships. That is especially true when it comes to sex. Different creeds worldwide have rules on what, how, and when people may or should have intercourse.

Pagan religions, for example, encourage sex and masturbation. Monotheistic religions, which are most widespread nowadays, generally have a critical attitude toward sex. But that is not the only reason for abstinence.

I talked with some of these religious people who practice sexual abstinence, and they all emphasized that they do that because it makes their relationships meaningful. They also added that it leads to more respect, appreciation for the inner beauty, and more profound love. For them, sex is just something that will come eventually.

These religions believe that, by delaying couples’ sex, they will find themselves on a journey that will test their mutual goals and compatibility. If something goes wrong, it is usually easier to walk away and break up with someone if you didn’t have sex.

So let’s put it like this — people who practice sexual abstinence until marriage want to have a lifelong partner, respect, love, and be recognized as a person worthy of undying love and devotion. That is what motivates them.

The Decision Is Usually Made at a Young Age

Well, when we say “young age,” that is relative. For example, I have a friend who told me she would never have premarital sex when we were 14.

And guess what — she didn’t. She was brought up like that — her family was strict regarding relationships and bringing guys home, so it was natural for her to abide by these rules. The fact that she was a shy, modest girl also helped cement those values. In her case, it wasn’t religion that influenced her but her upbringing.

Another example I know of is of a guy who was in love with one girl, starting from the age of 12. At that time, he promised he would marry her and that she would be the only one for him. This story has a happy ending since he succeeded in the end.

Unfortunately, I also know of people that had bad relationship experiences. That led to their deciding not to have sex before marriage ever again to avoid making the same mistake. These, however, are some of the most unfortunate circumstances that can lead to people deciding to abstain from sex.

Some Regret It

Man covering his face in grief, lying on a bed in bedroom

Every decision in our life has cons and pros, and that is something completely normal. Sexual abstinence until marriage is something that requires devotion, strong mental health, and iron will. That is especially true nowadays in the modern world, where people take everything for granted.

Some couples that abstain from sex until marriage feel a great sense of pride in their achievement. The act of love and passion for these people is even more valuable to them because they realize they have something more that connects them — not just physical attraction. That first night is usually special and passionate, and these couples’ first years of marriage are often much more interesting.

However, you can have bad outcomes here too: one of my friends said that she regrets abstaining until marriage and would never do it again. Her marriage life didn’t last longer than a year as the chemistry simply vanished. Why did that happen? Maybe they just got tired of waiting for little ol’ something, and, as soon as they got it, they quickly got saturated and wanted to look for something different and new.

Not All People Make It

I don’t know why, but I feel the need to compare sexual abstinence to smoking addiction. Every time I say, “This is the last time,” and I do try and do my best (sometimes even up to three months at a time),  I stumble, and I’m back to square one. Something happens — a night out with my best friend, emotions, a stressful period or… I am just celebrating something.

It is the same with sex. Sometimes, even if the couple decides not to consummate before marriage, the chemistry and attraction are inevitable and much stronger than promises.

That would be the perfect scenario — if both of them broke the rule but with one another. The more likely situation, however, (and a bad one at it), would be one of the partners cheating. Some of them regret it later, but some of them just feel relieved of pressure. Again, as the old Latin proverb goes, non omnia possumus omnes — we are not all capable of everything.

At least it is important to try, isn’t it?

The Benefits of Waiting With Marriage

Even though few would believe that anything good could come out of being without sex until marriage, it sure can.

First and foremost, the first night is going to be a blast! It is inevitable. After all, that is the day or night you’ve been waiting for so long. Of course, it can be slightly awkward, but nothing you cannot fix next time.

But when we talk about the long term benefits — there is a serious commitment. It is an excellent example for your future kids. Who knows — maybe they will do the same!

A study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that couples who lived together before marriage were less likely to make love in the first year of marriage. They also showed a lower rate of sexual satisfaction compared to couples who started living together only after marriage.

Practicing sexual abstinence is not a magic formula for everyone, but there are living examples that it works. It is an adventure where the victory is one of the sweetest things ever. And we’re not only talking about the physical aspect of the reward! It can help you build a more stable and committed relationship. Both of you will grow stronger as a couple and know you have found “The One.” The success of your journey will serve as a testament that your second half shares your values and opinions and love you for them. Waiting until marriage means that you don’t give this piece of yourself by giving it to a lot of people. Instead, you give it only to one person — the person that earns your heart along with your body. After all, that’s all that matters.